New Zealand as!

Helloooo from the land of the Hobbits! I apologize for not posting sooner. Not to point fingers or anything, but this time I have a legitimate excuse. Technology has completely failed us on this trip - after having to replace 2 credit cards, the Kindle, and Ross's phone, now the hard drive of our laptop decided to just die for no reason. ACK. Once we got that fixed, we discovered that the internet here is SO EXPENSIVE that it feels like we're spending half our budget just to stalk people on Facebook ($2 for 20 minutes? Are you joking me?). All of that is to say that I haven't spent a lot of time on the computer since we've come here, and it feels very wrong. I'm not sure how people here cope. Don't they long to waste their lives away watching videos of cats playing the piano?

Okay, enough with the excuses. I'm finding New Zealand a bit difficult to write about because (not to mince words) I've found it a bit boring here. That is the last thing I expected to write about a country that several people have called the most beautiful place on Earth. The problem is, I think during this trip I've become addicted to traveling to places that are culturally very different. In South America, just the act of getting somewhere was fun and interesting because it was all so new, which made the actual destination almost not matter. On the bus, you'd see a guy with a guinea pig on his lap, or a grandma with a very tall bowler hat pinned to the top of her head, and you'd already be happy. Every interaction was fun, albeit frustrating at times. But here, that part of it is gone, so the destination is all you have. And destinations, no matter how good they are, are often a bit disappointing. (Wow, I'm so optimistic.) Of course, New Zealand has been pretty, even stunning at times, but that pales in comparison to the excitement of trying to travel and live in an entirely different world. In light of that, for the rest of this trip we've decided to extend our stay in Asia and shorten the amount of time spent in Europe. I think our wallets will also approve of this decision.

There have also been a lot of little annoyances here and there that aren't a big deal on their own, but have started to add up. For example, there are lots of pointless signs everywhere. While standing next to a tractor, we saw a giant, official-looking sign saying "MULTIPLE HAZARD AREA." No shit? It's a tractor. First of all, if you can't figure out that a tractor is a multiple hazard area, then you deserve whatever's coming to you. We should just let nature take its course on that one. And second, everywhere is a multiple hazard area. A plane could crash into our dorm RIGHT NOW. EVERYBODY PANIC! What a waste of time and money. I feel that no one in South America would have deemed it necessary to put up such a sign. (Also seen anywhere where there are forklifts: "Warning: Forklifts in Use!" What am I supposed to do with this information? "Oh, a forklift is in use... RUN!!")

Other annoyances deserving mention: mosquitoes and sandflies are everywhere. Fortunately they go for Ross first, so I've been spared. It's also EXTREMELY touristy. If I see one more hippie with dreads and flowy pants playing guitar while waiting for a bus, I'm going to go all multiple hazard on his ass. There also seems to be an almost blind veneration of all things Maori. Learning about their history is fine and everything, but putting a sign up in a museum saying "This rock is imbued with a spiritual essence" without qualifying it with the phrase "According to Maori beliefs" is a bit much. And I really don't need to know the Maori names for everything. "This cereal is known as Te Koutou Pehea Haere Ra in the Maori language!" No. Let it go, man. Just let it go.

Anyway, now that I've bitched my little heart out, I feel better. All of that negative stuff aside, we've seen some cool stuff here. My favorite so far has been "blackwater rafting" in an innertube through the Waitomo Caves, a series of underground caves that have glowworms in them.

Once we were in the caves, our guides confessed that they're actually not glowworms, they're the larvae of flies... which make them maggots. It is their intestines that glow in the dark when they're hungry ("Shiny maggot shit!" our guides delightfully informed us). They extend little strings underneath them ("maggot snot!") with which they catch insects. They live in this stage for about 60 days, and then they hatch into flies that don't have mouths or stomachs. But they don't mind that too much because, as flies, they live 3 days, just long enough to have a lot of sex and lay a lot of eggs, and then they starve to death. Basically, they are one of the most badass animals of all time. Getting into the caves required a bit of agility - at one point we had to jump backwards, in our tubes, off of a small waterfall - but it paid off. Once we got inside, we turned off our headlamps and silently floated in the pitch black darkness, illuminated only by the galaxy of glowing maggots above us. Magical.

We also did our first winery tour here. We rented bikes and rode around from vinyard to vinyard and they just gave us free wine for some reason! Oh wait, it's because we ended up buying 2 bottles and giving them $40 anyway. Damn sneaky wineries. Either way, it was fun, even though my butt is still hurting 2 days later because of the awful saddles on our rental bikes. I'm pretty sure we've sustained some permanent butt damage and I would definitely sue if it weren't for all this wine dulling the pain. Damn sneaky bike rentals.

Maybe things will get better as we explore the interior of the south island, as that is supposed to be much more beautiful than the north island. We'll see. We have another 2 weeks here, then Bali!

Pictures coming soon.