Chakachaka

Okay, so it has become clear why everyone loves this place. BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME! It's beautiful. It's cheap as chips. The food is incredible. The people seem genuinely friendly (or at least know how to pretend to be genuinely friendly). We've lived like freakin' KINGS here for a fraction of what it would cost in the western world (and that's in Bali, one of the most expensive parts of Indonesia).

The view from our very cheap and very, very nice hotel room:



Yesterday we started the day by having breakfast delivered to our balcony in Ubud. Does it really get any better than that? Wait, IT DOES! Because then we went to a monkey forest sanctuary! I've never seen such absolute evil disguised in such absolute cuteness. The monkeys like to steal glasses, earrings, wallets, that sort of thing, so you have to be very careful. They are attuned to the sound of a purse opening and they target pockets with particular panache, those sneaky bastards. And when you try to give them a banana, they will JUMP ON YOU to get it because they're so impatient. And, you know, because they're monkeys. We saw all kinds of monkey shenanigans. There was a small monkey pool where all the monkeys were running around at warp speed, dive-bombing each other, and generally wreaking havoc. Other monkeys slept in the temples (a little TOO adorably - I'm on to you, monkeys). One monkey was playing with a bottle and some plastic wrapping in a way that suggested tool use (evil tool use). Babies stumbled around clumsily. Mommies were humped. Daddies fought. One monkey was violated pleasured tickled in his nether regions by a staff member. (You can see how conflicting and confusing that part was for me). Just your typical day in a monkey forest sanctuary.





Children, avert your eyes!



After lunch, we wandered around a museum of Balinese art. Then we were offered tickets to go see a traditional Balinese "fire dance", so we obviously had to see that. "Fire dance" conjures up images of people swallowing flaming knives, dancing with poi, general sexiness. Add to that the concept of "Balinese," and you've got an obvious winner, right?

Well, it turns out that what they meant by a Balinese fire dance was quite different. The show started out with about 150 half-naked guys sitting on the ground in a circle, around a tall candlestick holder lit with about 20 candles (this was the only fire in the entire show), chanting "Chakachakachakachakachakachakachakachakachakachaka" and swaying side to side while doing different hand movements (Jazz hands!). Then two very ornately dressed women stepped into the middle of the circle and moved their arms reeeeeally slowly while making very subtle and precise finger-movements, which you couldn't really see because it was so dark.



For the first 10 minutes, it was very entertaining. It was different, and kinda funky, and I was really enjoying it. Seeing something from Balinese culture! Yeah!

But another 10 minutes passed, and they kept doing the same thing. And I figured, maybe I'm just missing the historical context? Maybe I should go home and read up on the significance of this dance, and it will be a lot better. They're probably telling some sort of ancient spiritual tale!

But then another 10 minutes passed. And another. And another. And I STARTED GOING INSANE. They just kept chanting "chakachakachakachakachakachaka"! And the women kept moving their fingers imperceptibly! THEY WOULDN'T STOP! WHYYYYYY WOULDN'T THEY STOP, WHYYYYYYYYY?! Ahem. And we kept trying to be culturally open-minded, but it was all too mind-numbingly, painfully, un-fucking-believably boring. After 45 minutes we couldn't take it anymore. We left. We strolled past the door about half an hour later, and they were STILL CHANTING AND MOVING VERY SLOWLY. I wonder if they're still going now?

Perhaps Balinese fire dances are just really not our style. (I later found out that it's called Kecak dancing, but reading up on it unfortunately didn't make my memories of this experience any better.) Or perhaps we just happened to go to a really terrible example of this sort of dancing (which tends to happen when you accept the first offer you get without shopping around or doing any research), and we should try it again tomorrow in a more renowned venue. But we've been scarred once... I don't know if we can handle it again.

Today we're attempting to shop again. Hopefully this time we will have the patience to actually buy something, because seriously, this whole heat thing is no joke. We may actually come back with a slight tan.

More pictures here.