The end of South America

We've spent the last 4 days at El Calafate, visiting Glacier Perito Moreno. Our guidebook described this glacier as "suspenseful," "exceptional," "neck hairs rise a-tingling," "spectacular," "existential experience," and "orgasmic." (Okay, maybe I made one of those up.) As a result of all the high praise, we went 500km and 4 days out of our way to see this glacier. And yeah, it was a pretty sweet glacier, but at the end of the day it was still just a glacier. From now on I'm never trusting anyone who calls a glacier an existential experience.

Now we're at the EEEND OF THE WOOOOOORLD!! (Please insert a grandiose hand gesture worthy of the end of the world every time this phrase is read.)

The EEEND OF THE WOOOOORLD happens to be Ushuaia, Argentina, the southernmost city in the world. We are here after one horrible 12-hour bus ride on which we endured 4 immigration stops, 2 police checks, a ferry ride, and one bathroom disaster. I won't go into details, but said disaster involved me innocently sitting down on the toilet to pee, just as the toilet inexplicably decided that it would be fun to gush water up at that exact moment, spraying pee and water and god knows what else all over me and the rest of the bathroom in quite an enthusiastic manner. I then had to explain to the bus attendant in Spanish that the toilet was "malfunctioning" (a drastic understatement, in my opinion), which caused him to walk to the bathroom, open the door, and just stand there, staring in horror. Understandable, really. And that is how I arrived at the EEEND OF THE WOOOOORLD smelling like urine and sadness.

The EEEND OF THE WOOOOORLD is also the end of our time in South America. It's been a fun ride, but I'm looking forward to getting to New Zealand. One can only spend so much time in a place where American 80's music is still so ubiquitous. If I hear "Lady in Red" one more time this week, I'm going to lose it.

So, since we're saying goodbye to our South American lives and heading into a whole different world, I thought it would be fun to do a comparison of North and South America. I've tried to stick to cultural aspects only, leaving out parts of life here that are a result of differences in wealth.

Things South America Has That I Wish North America Had:

1. Snack and Fruit Stands. Because walking all the way to a store just for some gum is annoying when you're as lazy as I am.

2. Stray dogs. They've been a common theme all throughout South America, and it's made me realize that we have no stray dogs in North America because they're put down. We like to think we're so humane in North America, but I think it's more cruel to kill them than to let them live their lives, however those lives may turn out. They have a good system down here: catch them and neuter them, then let them go on their merry doggy way. And it seems that, for the most part, the strays seem quite happy to run around, play with other strays, and hang out with people. We've had so many fun and touching experiences bonding with friendly mutts that it's a shame there aren't any back home. Life is just more interesting with random Dogosaurus encounters.

3. Pastry shops. In the U.S. we're basically limited to donut shops and, in Canada, the slightly more varied Tim Horton's. I think if a native Argentine were to visit Tim Horton's, they'd be appalled. Down here, on every corner there are pastry shops with real, homemade, absolutely scrumptious sweets. I don't understand why this sort of thing isn't more widespread in our society, the most obese in the world. I'm going to miss everything about them.

4. Llamas. No explanation necessary.

5. Passionfruit juice. Probably the most delicious juice I've ever tried.

6. Coca tea. I didn't believe in it at first, but I came to really love it, especially when we were at high altitudes. It's tasty, it decreases hunger and fatigue, it's good for altitude sickness, and it has no side effects. Why can't we get any in North America? Oh right, because drugs are bad, mmkay, and the only way to stop people doing them is to make them illegal. Right. Nailed it. And on that note...

7. Prescription medicines. Many medicines that are only available by visiting a doctor in North America are over-the-counter down here. This includes things like coldsore medicine. Who in their right mind would abuse coldsore medicine, or use it for anything other than its intended purpose? Why is it necessary to make it prescription? We have less freedom than Peruvians do, where medicines are concerned. This strikes me as really sad.

8. Dancing zebras. Hilarious government mandates are tragically under-utilized in North America.

Things North America Has That I Wish South America Had:

1. Vegetables. People down here don't seem to view them as a necessary part of meals. They are rarely on any menu, even though they're obviously available in grocery stores. I am not usually a health nut, but down here I've been craving them constantly. I particularly miss sweetcorn. And, similarly...

2. A variety of foods in general. I never realized that variety of food was so important to me until we had to eat Peruvian food for 7 weeks and I nearly killed myself. It's been driving me insane that I can't have curry, or sushi, or pad thai, or burritos, or won ton soup any time I want. I think that people here are satisfied with the food of their own culture because they're used to it. It reminds me of my grandparents, who moved from Russia to the states when they were in their 50s. Even though they can have any type of food any time they want, they only eat Russian food that they cook at home because they simply don't want any other type of food. I can't relate to this at all.

3. Sane traffic. I like that people follow traffic rules back home. It allows me to not die much more easily.

4. Line chefs. The service was extremely slow everywhere we've been except Argentina because in Ecuador, Peru, and Bolivia, there were no line chefs or pre-preparation. This was great because every meal was freshly made, but incredibly frustrating for someone as impatient as me. Every meal took at least half an hour to be made. "AGGGGH, WHY CAN'T THEY GO FASTER!!!" was probably the most common thing I said in those countries.

5. Set prices. I'm really, really bad at bargaining. I find it incredibly draining. I appreciate just being told a price and paying it. Done. No arguing, no conflict, no feeling ripped off. I'm not entirely sure why this practice is prevalent in any culture.

6. Street signs. I'm especially frustrated at Argentina for not having many street signs, even though it's such a modern country in so many ways. Even in Peru they managed to paint the names of the streets on the walls of buildings occasionally, even if it was just an afterthought. It's as if the names of the streets are purposely kept secret and passed down from generation to generation just to fuck with tourists.

I'm not sure what it says about me that most of these were about food, but there you go.

We're flying out to New Zealand on Friday. I'm excited!